I've had a pretty rough childhood growing up. I got into some trouble as a teen, got mixed in the wrong crowd, and did some things I'm not proud of (drugs).
I started by smoking pot, but it quickly led to other more serious drugs which eventually landed me in the hospital. Once that happened I knew it was time to quit. At the time this happened I had dropped out of high school for a semester but after my incident I went back to school and worked my butt off to graduate. I was one semester short of finishing with my class but I still did it. I got my diploma by going to night, summer and online school. I was the first person to graduate from my family. Even though I finished my dad called me a junkie and said I should have died while I was in the hospital, he says it would have been easier for him. As a child I remember him telling my brother and I that he hated us and he wishes we were never born. He's pretty cruel at times.
Anyways, after high school I went to college for a semester bc I was forced by my dad, he wouldn't stop pressuring me. I got A's that whole time I went…still no acknowledgement from him for my good work.
Yet he's so quick to point out the negative.
I realized that my heart wasn't in school at that moment and I wanted to do something that I actually wanted to do, so I enlisted in the US Army.
My father of course thought I made the biggest mistake of my life (still does till this day). He thinks people who join the military are stupid, or they have nothing better to do and it's a waste of time.
Anyways, once I finished my training I became pregnant by my fiance of 4yrs. I had the baby, despite my fathers wishes bc afterall, it's my body, my child NOT HIS! The whole time I was pregnant I could tell he was ashamed. I worked the whole time I was pregnant I never asked him for a thing. Then when my son was born he came around and now he treats my son really well, but deep down inside I can still tell he thinks I ruined my life.
I am active duty now and I live alone just my son and I. I never ask him for anything, and anything I do get from him is bc he choses gives it to me, for the baby or myself.
He tells me he's proud of me, but then he contradicts himself when he talks to my little brother by saying "you're sister has ruined her life, she's not doing anything with herself being in the military".
I feel like he's so fake, he can never say how he really feels to my face, everytime I confront him he tries to switch it up and sugarcoat it. I'm getting sick of it!
My little brother according to my dad is the only one who hasn't "messed up" his life. My little brother has never been in any kind of trouble, he's been a really good student and is in college. My brother was thinking about enlisting in the Army as well but when he told my dad, he flipped out on him saying "you're way too smart to join the Army, look at Zina (me) she's not doing anything with her life". It just pisses me off to hear him say that to my lil bro. My lil bro of course knows what I've accomplished and doesn't pay our father no mind. He thinks our dad is a little crazy too. The only person to support my decision when I enlisted was my little brother, and when he told me he wanted to join I felt so proud and of course I supported him. Today he texted me and told me he was sworn in. He hasn't told our parents yet bc they will flip out.
Anyways, my issue is, no matter what I do my dad always has something negative to say. It's like there's no way to get his approval or acceptance. I know I'm a grown woman with my own family and I shouldn't need it but still, it'd be nice for once when he tells me he's proud that he really means it.
I feel like this is making me really dislike my him bc of it. I'm tired of trying to prove myself to him. I think I've accomplished a lot being 23. He just doesn't see it. He's forever comparing me to our older sister who never finished high school, has a son, lives off the government and never works. I try my hardest to make sure that I never need to depend on him for anything. I plan on going back to college next semester but only bc I want to. I wanted to take time off to spend it with my son and become more established in my military career. I don't even want my dad to pay for my college which is another reason why I enlisted bc he's always complaining about money and yet he wanted me to go to school so bad. In fact, recently he's been the one borrowing money from me. I plan on getting my degree but on my own time not his, but something tells me, that even when I do finish school he still won't be proud.
What do I do? Any advice or personal experiences? Should I cut him off bc when I tell him how I feel he completely disregards my feelings. I am getting to the point where I feel like I'm just better off without him in my life.
Wow. You've accomplished a lot. All by your own merit.
Parents are old … they have difficulty changing their complaining habits. I won't say it is okay but I'd say, don't let his words get to you. One ear in and one ear out. Just smile and nod. I don't know about cutting him off … I wouldn't want to do anything that I will regret later on.
Be content with your accomplishments. Accept yourself. It's hard but try to stop listening to his voice.
Another thing you can do is write him a letter telling him how you feel. Do it with love so you will try to avoid hurtful words to him.
He might not change. You might have to just spend less time with him. Perhaps only visit on special holidays. And when you do visit, don't spend too much alone time with him. But be courteous and respectful.
BTW, my dad's like that too. I've moved to another country but we chat occasionally. He still says hurtful things. Being far away - I can take it but i have to remind myself constantly that I've accomplished something. Good luck!
